chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
