Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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