we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
