I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
