My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
