I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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