Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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