i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
