When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
