You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
