His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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