My friends, they love my intelligence
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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