Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
