i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
