I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i already hear my dad disowning me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
