my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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