I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
