I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
