You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
