Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
