my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
