what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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