grandma shit on top of the toilet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
