i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
