it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
