Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize