i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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