I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
