i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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