Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
