She is in my trunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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