I am puke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize