when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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