ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize