I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His hands were made for my vagina.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
