I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
