Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
