So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
