I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
