I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
