I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
