i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
