Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize