So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
