i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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