I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
