And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
