Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
