someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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