So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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