i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
