Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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