but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
