Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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