We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize