I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
