Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
