so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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