Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize