I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
