who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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