If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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