no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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