I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
